Getting Pregnant: Emotions and Infertility

Coping with infertility means dealing with a variety of emotions. While there are different coping strategies that individuals can adopt to help deal with the emotions associated with infertility, each individual is different and may require his or her own way of coping with fertility problems. Nonetheless, couples who experience fertility problems may seek comfort in knowing that they are not alone. More likely than not, if you are going through difficulties trying to conceive, your partner is experiencing the same emotions as you are.

Emotions and Infertility

Infertility can be an overwhelming time for couples trying to get pregnant. Experiencing emotions that are difficult to overcome is a common characteristic of infertility. The following are common emotions that individuals may feel when going through infertility.

Shock and Grief
It is common for individuals to experience shock when first diagnosed with infertility. Many of us take conception for granted and assume that pregnancy will be an easy process. However, this is often not the case.

It is important for couples who are diagnosed with infertility to let themselves experience these feelings of shock. Grief is another emotion that may follow the initial shock of hearing about a fertility problem. It is for both partners to share their emotions, and know that it is perfectly healthy to express these feelings, whether through crying, talking, or writing down your emotions.

Some people go through feelings of denial upon first hearing an infertility diagnosis. Denial is often used as a coping strategy by individuals who are experiencing overwhelming emotions. However, it is important to acknowledge and accept the news of a fertility problem in order to overcome these initial emotions and move on towards getting pregnant.

It may be helpful to do some research in order to better understand your particular diagnosis. This can help the acceptance process.

Anger or Resentment
At some point along the way, it is likely that you will experience feelings of anger or resentment. Whether as an initial response to a fertility diagnosis, or in the process of receiving infertility treatment, most individuals will encounter these emotions.

Often, individuals find it difficult to cope when others around them are getting pregnant. It may be difficult to be in areas or involved in events that center around pregnancy themes or babies, such as baby showers. You may even feel guilty about resenting others for their successful pregnancies, or feel angry and alone when you sense that others do not understand what you are going through.

Feeling angry is a perfectly normal emotion to experience when going through infertility. In such cases, it may be appropriate to avoid situations that you know will likely make you uncomfortable. It is also important to allow yourself to express anger, but avoid physical or emotional confrontation. Allow your partner to express his or her emotions of anger as well, but try to sort our your feelings calmly.

Guilt and Blame
Individuals often blame themselves, their partners or others around them for the cause of infertility. You may feel that it is your fault that you cannot conceive and this can lead to a variety of emotions including guilt, isolation and depression. While these feelings are perfectly natural, it is important to realize that they can be very destructive and seriously affect your relationship with those around you, including your partner.

Remaining quiet and internalizing these feelings can also be detrimental and make life extremely difficult. It is important to acknowledge these feelings, and often times seeking counseling may be appropriate to help deal with these emotions.

Isolation is one of the most common emotions experienced when dealing with infertility. Couples often feel like they are alone in their struggle in trying to conceive. It may be difficult to discuss your feelings about infertility, which can isolate you from your partner as well as family and friends who are not going through the same difficulties.

It may also be difficult to find motivation to go out and socialize with friends. However, it is important to remain expressive about your emotions, and stay connected to those you love. This will not only help you stay positive, but will also ease your mind about fertility concerns.